I lost my mom when I was four and I still cry as if she died last month somtimes. People say that I cry too much and it was almost 10 years ago. But they can’t feel my pain. They can’t feel what i feel. They don’t understand because they have both their parents or had them longer than i had my mom. I was four years old so i barley remember her. I remember a few things but not much.. Like when I try to remember things from when my mom was alive i always get someing different but the first thing that I always think of is the day my mom died July 1, 2002. I remember that perfectly because that was the last day I saw my mom, called someone mommy and had my mother in my life. Her beautiful red hair was on the ground. She had just got out of the shower getting ready for work. She fell in the hallway, she said ,”Abby go get daddy.” and I said Ok mommy and went and woke my dad up and told him ,”Daddy get up mommy fell.” He got up came out saw her on the ground called the ambluance they came my dad took me to the neighbors house while my dad went with the ambluance taking my mom to try to save her but then she died. She had a blood clot in her leg and it went up to an organ. The day before she died My mom, dad, and I went to the mall. She asked my dad something Like “Do you really love me?” and my dad said back “Yes, Shannon i love you, more than anything. everyone loves you! you are so sweet and loving” and then we walked around some more my mom’s LEG started to hurt so we went home and watched a movie. I capped the leg—>LEG because she had a blood clot in her LEG.
I know this is what the typical girl says, but im insucure and I hate my body (the way i look) I want to be skinner. When i take showers I can’t even look at my self and I hate it. People tell me im beautiful but when I see myself i see a feckle face overweight ginger that no one will ever like because1.My looks and 2.Im obsessed with We The Kings CTFxC and other YouTube people. I am who I am and Im not gonna change (well im gonna loose weight but i will always love WTK and CTFxC) But even after saying what i just said im scared and nervous. I feel ugly. At school I always have my head down and not wanting to hear and see what is around me and trying to hide myself but that just makes people call me emo. I AM NOT EMO!! There is NOTHING wrong with being emo but im not emo and I hate it when people say im something when im not. At lunch I don’t eat lunch. People say im anneorxic (spelling?) 1.How could I be over weight and then anneorxic? Im eather one or the other… not both. 2.again there is noting wrong with being either of those things but they just need help eaither loosing weight or gaining weight. but im not 600 fucking pounds and im not annerorxic eather so technically im neither of those things. I know you probally didnt even read this and if you did then you are probally thinking “Bitch please stop your worring loose weight and be who you want to be and you will be fine.” Its just hard.
Im just saying this because its 5.13.12 (Mothers Day) and I was thinking about my mom and stuff so I thought I would just vent to you about my mom and other things that were in my head at the moment.
I love We The Kings and CTFxC
